Dumbass Headline of the Week

And the award goes to the Boston Sunday Globe, Money & Careers section, for:


"Multilingual workplace can translate into opportunities"

My new weightloss secret...

Honestly, am I the only one who finds this odd?

and......

Is it web-based email in a pill, or an online calorie burner? Did I just uncover the greatest conspiracy of the 21st century? Or did I just blow your mind?

Official Decree

I am lifting the ban. This could be the perfect opportunity for a young man looking to get in on the ground floor with a smart, funny, sexy, independent, low-maintenance woman. Clearly, whatever issues I have surrounding dating, self-esteem is not one of them.



I do have some questions for my loyal readers. (assuming that I do have loyal readers. Hello! Is anybody there? The numbers on the tracker keep going up, but you know, the comments option is there for a reason.)

I think that the whole dating thing has changed since the last time I got into all that. So, first question.

• How do I find guys to date? I work for a professional theatre company, so clearly, I'm not meeting any eligible guys through that avenue. Well, I am, just not eligible for me. I am meeting lots of fantastic men who are great dancers and have excellent fashion sense. Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I used to live in a hip little town, where meeting people was fantastically easy. But now it's not so easy in the big bad Boston. Everybody says that the internet is the way to go. Okay, I guess we actually did answer that question.


• How does one plan a date? What should one do? And how does a person who doesn't drink deal with date jitters?
• What's the deal with the whole sex on the third date thing? Is that a myth? It seems awfully regimented.
• Okay, here's a really tough one. I've always had really close male friends. Where is the line between friendship and something more? The line between date and hanging out? How can you tell the difference between 'he's just not into you" and "he is into you but he's shy and/or respectful?" How do I let someone know I'm interested in them without being a total embarrassing dork? Can I just have a friend call his friend to find out if he likes me? Am I destined to be perpetually stuck in junior high?
• At what point in the dating process do you tell someone your secrets? I don't have any dark, scary secrets, but there are some things you don't share right away. But, there are some things that you don't want to wait too long to tell.
• Why am I doing this? Why don't I just go back to the plan of being a crazy cat lady? Oh, right. There are some things feline companionship just can't offer.

So, seriously. Leave some pithy advice. Use the comments. And if your best friend thinks I'm cute, tell my best friend and we can go roller-skating. My mom can drop us off if his mom picks us up.

What are you trying to tell me?

I saw this bus stop billboard on my way home, and I'm confused. "you can't buy happiness, but you can drink it." What does this mean? Nestle Quik is no longer for sale? Drinking Nestle Quik will make you happy and you can't buy any mwah-ha-ha!

Or does it mean that Nestle Quik is now free?

And really, isn't it all just a little too close to drinking the Kool-Aid?

A love letter

When I was twelve years old, my grandfather, my mother's father, died. He had been ill for over year. He had been a carpenter all his life, and for years before it was found to be harmful, worked with asbestos. He died of asbestosis. Grandfather, or Grandpa OJ, as my cousin Robert called him, was from Canada. I have a very vivid memory from when he was ill, of visiting in the hospital when his family from Canada made the trip down to visit. I remember exactly how he said firmly, with his French-Canadian accent, "This is my granddaughter." The light in his eyes was palpable. He died a few weeks after this. I didn't know for some time why that memory stood so strong for me.

My grandfather had an eighth-grade education, but he was smart. He had a few strong beliefs: educating oneself (he read the paper cover to cover every day after work with his tea), tolerance (I love my mother's story that of all her friends' parents, he was the only one that accepted her gay best friend, without comment-and remember, times were different back then!), the value of a hard day's work (he never missed a day until he got sick), but most of all, he believed in family.

A few years after he died, my mother sat me down and told me our family secret. Grandpa OJ was not her or my aunt's biological father, and so was not my biological grandfather.. My grandmother had been married before she married Grandfather. Uncle David was his biological son, but there was no blood connection between Grandfather and my mother, auntie Beth, my cousins Robert and Mark(the other cousins weren't even born yet), or me. But he was my real grandfather. He loved me. He doted on me. Every day I see the toy box he built me for my first Christmas. "Built by Grandpa, December 25" it says on the inside. Robert and Mark each have one too.

My grandfather visited me last night. Every once in a great while, he visits my aunt and myself. I'm not sure why we are so lucky to have this happen, while the rest of the family does not get to have this miracle happen to them. But Grandfather visits me in my dreams. It is real though, I know that he is the one who chooses to come to me, when I need him. Last night, I was in an old house, similar to the one that my mother grew up in. They was some scary dream stuff going on, with bad guys after me. But my grandfather was there and he saved me. In my dream, he died to save me. Then, in my dream, I found a secret room that had belonged to Grandfather. It was full of pictures, notes, letters, diplomas, and all sorts of other family documents. All of which were of my mother and myself.

When I awoke, I was still processing the dream. Then I looked at the calendar. April 12. My grandfather died 21 years ago today. I know why he visited me last night. To let me know that he could not have loved me more if I had been his blood grand-child. That he loved me fiercely, and was proud of me. That he would have done anything for me.

I love you, Grandfather. I miss you. I wish that you were here. I feel bad for my cousins who never knew you. Robert and I are the only ones who remember you. You taught me the value of education, and pride in my work, and tolerance. But, most importantly, you taught me the value of family and unconditional love. I will always love you, and will always be thankful that you were my Grandpa OJ.

Something else I like

• Rummaging in dusty secondhand stores accompanied by someone with a similar appreciation for the finer things in life. But not similar that we end up playing tug o' war with the same coveted item.

Something I don't hate

I feel kind of bad about the things I hate post but I was probably starting to get sick with scary death illness, so that may explain it. To make up for it, I've decided to list something I love:

• Afternoon naps between freshly laundered sheets, while the sun shines on my slumbering self and there is a breeze in the air.

Note to Oneself

Just because you think that your blog postings are solely for the amusement of your friends, try to remember that anyone with an internet connection can, indeed, read them.

No Dates in '08

I've always thought of myself as a woman more often single than coupled. But, I've recently realized that, statistically, the opposite is actually true.

SO, after the long, drawn out breakup with the 5 year boyfriend, which happened roughly in October, I decided that there would be no dating in 2008. (For me. I don't care what the rest of y'all do.). This is the year of me.

I have made this well publicized to my friends, who are all convinced that it will not work.
So, simply as an exercise, of course, I've decided to list what I am looking for in a man, if I were, which I am not.

• Someone taller than me. This is easy since I am 5'3".
• Someone intelligent and well-read, yet not pretentious or a know-it-all.
• Someone who will not tell to not wear makeup. Men who do this are still imposing their beauty standards on me, just under the guise of being "Enlightened" or "Feminist." Back off. I adhere to nobody's beauty standards but my own.
• Someone who is honest.
• Someone who can respect that I need my own space. I don't want to spend every waking moment with somebody. I can't miss you if you don't go away.
• Someone who respects that my job is important to me.
• Someone who will remember my birthday.
• Someone who will not get on my case about smoking. I know it's bad for me. I'll quit when I'm ready.
• Someone who, upon realizing that to me the ideal date is a trip to the drive-in, will not rest until this particular wish of mine comes true.

This was actually kind of fun. Perhaps this is the beginning of a theme.

*Finally, a confession. I have not been on a first date in over 5 years. The thought is actually kind of terrifying, which may be part of the reason I have vowed "No Dates in '08"

Still Tired

I've learned that being the center of attention is not nearly as much fun as I had anticipated. So, I've created this FAQ for you all....

• No, I am not contagious.
  
• I was at Beth Israel.
• Yes, I do have health insurance.
• The doctors have no idea how, where, or why I got it.
• No, I don't want to hear about your friend, neighbor, cousin or hairdresser who had it and almost died.
• Nor do I want hear about the newspaper or magazine article, or Dateline story about people who do die from it.
• I was on IV antibiotics.
• I am now taking two oral antibiotics, for a total of 6 pills everyday.
• Yes, I am eating lots of yogurt.
• The worst side effects are lightheadedness, dizziness, and fatigue.
• Other side effects I am feeling are nausea and loss of appetite.
• I will feel better when I'm done with the pills-next Friday.
• I'm just really tired.

And a few just for mom.....

• I'm fine.
• No, work isn't too much.
• Yes, I did make a follow-up appointment.

And, just to prove that I am more than just a cynical bitch, some people were truly lovely to me, so....

• H.S. Thank you for calling me at the hospital to see how I was feeling, and telling me to call you if I needed anything, and not once asking when I was coming back to work. That support is why I pushed the doctors to let me come back to work so soon.
• M.S. Thanks for telling me to let you know if I needed anything even after I came back to work. You have enough going on as it is without worrying about me!
• B.O., B.H., and R.L. Thanks for telling me how worried you were, and for being impressed with me coming back to work so soon!
• A.F. Thanks for forbidding me to do any cleaning around the apartment.
• V.H. Thanks for looking after the Paws-cat while I was in the hospital.

Lavender Naturals Spa Reflections Shower Gel

I liked this shower gel so much more than I expected to! It has a nice lather, surprising as it is sulfate-free. The lavender scent is gentle rather than cloying. It reminds me of the old balsam shampoo scent. For the health conscious, or for hippies, it is vegan and gluten-free.

Retail: $8.19

Rating: 4 lipsticks

My Brush with Death, well, sort of

I have always been convinced that I would come down with whatever disease or illness is currently being overblown by the media. Finally, after years of paranoia, it happened!

I spent part of last week in the hospital with MRSA- also known as the "superbug," or the "killer staph infection." I did not have so bad a case that my life was feared for, but bad enough that they kept in the hospital hooked up on IV, and I will be taking meds for a awhile and I still kind of feel like crap.

I could tell I was feeling better when I took some pictures of my IV for the blog......

The lighting in my hospital room was not great, but I still think it looks pathetic, and therefore warrants sympathy.

First thing I did when I got out of the hospital?

Starbucks Skinny Caramel Latte!